K | N G

僕は旅に行きたいんだ。
I wanted to start this journey long ago
Now I have the chance
I don't know how to grasp it

What face shall I show?
What feelings shall I feel?
I need to take this journey alone
To the world that no one will understand us

It brings back memories of us again today
As I watch the two passed me by cheerfully
In the eyes of everyone, memories are beautiful
But we know the truth behind them is different

I miss, the way you smiled brightly
I miss, the way you laughed heartily
I miss, the way you talked to me
I miss, the time we were together

I am being the clown again
With the clown face that I'm born
I forgot when I had lost the key
To open the door to myself

I cry, the way you smile brightly
I cry, the way you hug softly
I cry, the way you look blissfully
Not to me anymore, ever.

The invisible distance between us is growing more
Till one day when my voice couldnt reach your heart
Though I understand that this surreal relationship
Existed long ago no matter how much I want to deny it

I'm so tired that I tried not to think
How I dreamt that when I looked up
It would be you watching over me
Knowing you would be there for me
Ready with an arm of support

I tilted my head up to the grey sky
Clouds will eventually being blown away
With what's left pieces of me.

All copyrights reserved by K|NG.

Meadow

There's no turning back now
The road we took long ago
That was decided then
When we were still naive

I have only come to realize this
That there shouldn't be no regrets
For the foolish me back then
Not knowing what will come to be

I couldn't turn back time even if I wish
Everyone was searching for the star
I often wonder will the star fell upon me?
I have given up hope for it long ago

My heart is pumping hard
My hands turn cold
My face color vanishing
Voices shrieking in my mind
Yet I couldn't scream for help
Words couldn't form from my lips
I do not know how to tell you
I could not make you understand

Please, don't ask me anymore
Please, don't be nice to me
Just please...

I could only stare up to the teary sky
And wait for the weeping rain
To linger its touch on my skin

I'm seeing you through the invisible barrier between us
That I might never understand its growing existent
The clock is ticking away hastily to its destination
Mercilessly till time is up for us to part our ways

Before then, I shall bid you goodbye
To save the pieces of heart being squashed
I shall  crush it with my own hands
Till not a single grain of it left

Now I have to start a journey without you.

   
  
  
  
All copyrights reserved by K | N G.

 

９０歳の僕。９０歳になったら、僕はどうなる？Yesterday during the tea ceremony, I saw a grandma, 90++years old, on her wheel chair. Tiff told me that she is very sick but somewhat sane and conscious about what's happening around her. When the newly wed couple served tea to them, she said a lot of things such as, " 你们一定要白头到老...etc etc.." before giving the couple angpows. She made the bride teary and those words really touched me. あの時の僕、あのお婆さんに見えた，いろいろなことが考えた。もし僕は９０歳になったらまだ生きているとか、まだ死んだとか、ひとりでとか、元気とか、　恐かった。僕どうになるのか。It doesnt help me at all even if I think about it. It's just that at that moment, those thoughts passed through me. I dont even know if I'll live long enough to know. Lol.僕考えすぎるかもな~。

Today's Ivy's wedding eve!!! I'm so looking forward to her wedding tomorrow!!
Yippee~! I'm gonna take alot of photos! *Even though they hired a photographer to do that for them!* Muwhahahaha...... man, i'm so evil as always. Hahaa... (Yea, I know I'm just 38......)

Christmas - OVER!
New Year - This tuesday. - Ayu's new album, GUILTY on sale!! YEAH~!

Today, as usual, I looked through some of the topics in ayu's forum about and remembered the day I was casted a spell upon me where I fell for ayu again. Those where the days gone by. Sigh.. (I really feel old..) It brings back all good and bad memories. I wonder what will I become of now if I hadn't know ayu back then. People around me really do not understand why I like her so much. Not really like. It's way beyond and above L O V E word. indescribable. Muahahaha... I guess , I wont be so attach to my other side like how I am now. I dont know if how I turned to be now is good or bad for me. If only I had not know ayu, maybe, the other ending will be a better one. No one knows because it's passed.

"We can look back into past because we have passed there" - Ayumi Hamasaki.

Here comes the season again
Where all colors seem to fade
It is becoming more and more surreal
Till I have no spirit left in me
I failed to grasp the frail grains of color
Yet again

But I can feel the gush of wind
Gently passed me by
Telling me that it's real
And it is happening

Please tell me that
I have not open my eyes yet
From this dream of mine only

The overwhelming sadness that pierced me sharply
Has changed into dark ashes before the wind took it
I'm sorry I couldn't keep our promise
To meet at the place we once agreed
As who we always wanted to be

I dont want you to change
I wanted to protect that smile of yours
Dont forget you are loved
Even though you don't love me

Words from my surroundings hurt
Your kind words from afar wounded me more
Because you didn't tell me the truth
That I was the hideous clown you wanna hide

The child in me was scared
I wanted to escape and hide
To somewhere free
A place where colors are allowed

The chain on my legs forbids me
My face was bathed with tears
Without any valid reason
And me withering inside

I reached out my numbed fingers
For the warmth of  brilliant light
Too bright that it ached my heart
Slapping me back into the dark
Making everything impossible again

I just want to fall into a deep sleep.

Copyrights Reserved by K|NG.

        Now, what I mean here is the annually stuff, not the monthly stuff. Please dont get the wrong idea! Haha... Not funny, huh? Alright. It's going to be Christmas soon. I really have no idea why Christmas is so great that people being Christian and what not are SO~~ into it. God Bless ME! I guess I'm weird.

       I dont really like Christmas as I really do not have any memorable Christmas yet I guess. Hope this year will be a happy one. And it is also because it marks the ending of another year of my life, which also reminds me of :

• how old I am getting in the new year later on AGAIN !!!
  
• how I have wasted my time / another year in my life AGAIN !!!
  
• how lonely AGAIN this year !!!
  

I think the last reason is enough to be the Killer Reason for that. Sigh...

Hahaha... So funny. This is so not me. What am I doing anyway? I should be doing my assignment! ARGHHH....

No money.......................   :'(

Hmm.... Finally I've settle my stuff with "that friend" of mine. He apologized and so did I. (Heck, I will not admit it's my fault. Never! Muwaahahahhhahahaha...~~~ Ok, I'm so evil. Hehehe..) Even though we have come to an understanding point, I will not know what the SO is thinking about. I'm really curious and it really bothers me about what the SO was thinking. Although I was told that the SO opinion about me is still indifferent, I doubt it a lot. I knew some things did change between everyone. Aih... That's why I hate dealing with all these kind of stuff. Why cant everybody settle their stuffs face to face? At least we'll know what each other is thinking and no guessing is required where things can go very very wrong. Shy is not an excuse for someone to avoid dealing with your own matters. Even all fairy tales are lies. What do you think?

Well, I wasnt really happy bout what happened yesterday. This fella INTERROGATED ME in an INTIMIDATING WAY! And that fella happened to be a friend of mine ! It's not like I did bad things or said bad things about other people anyway~!

STOOOPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If people wanna ask me about something, why cant they just ask me directly in my face? I really hate this kind of people most. Those that cant ask/tell me something in my face but have to involve some other fella to do that for them~!

ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, let me tell you what! Even if you wanna curse or bad-mouth me, PLEASE DO SO IN FRONT OF ME!!  YOU ARE MOST WELCOME TO DO SO!!! Well, I might care less BUT AT LEAST I know what you wanna tell me! Just dont go behind my back and say stupid stuffs! Hmmph!

Wei, YOUR SO got problem, you came and asked me what me and my friend talked about. It was really a nothing to me. Alright, maybe it was important to you, that i can tolerate. You told me it was unfair for you . Unfair what? Just because you asked me first? Or because I had offer you a FAIR and SQUARE condition - only if you told me first? What do you mean by if I do not answer you, just answer for YOUR SO? If that was the case, why cant YOUR SO asked me directly if it matters a lot to her? And you told me just for the sake of making sure we are in understanding terms, you wouldnt wanna tell me? WHAT THE HELL!  And you told me if I am an understanding person, I should be telling you what you wanted to hear?  WEI! You think I'm GOD or what? You think I can read people's mind or what? IF YOU DONT TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW WOR!

F**K IT !!!! 　グザケンナ！

You asked me to put myself in your shoes, who will put me in their shoes? You told me to understand you, who will try to understand me? Are you kidding me? I just want to know what THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IS THINKING ABOUT ME! Even IF you are my buddy, what RIGHTS do YOU HAVE to INTERROGATE me in an INTIMIDATING WAY? THIS IS MY PRIVACY DAMN IT!  My privacy within me and other people!
MY PRIVACY!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU are THAT UNDERSTANDING, why cant you respect my privacy? HELL! 

Well, be grateful to God that you have a kind friend like ME! Congrats to you, you have successfully DIG whatever you wanted to know from me! If I really wanted to be MEAN, I wouldnt have told you! You really DISAPPOINT ME!

This, really made me SO~ MAD! that I wanted to go back training again. I WANT MY BLACK BELT! ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Buddies, if you disagree with me, TELL ME FACE TO FACE! I WANT TO HEAR IT FROM YOU!

Ok, I'm stuck these two days and still am.

(T__T)''''''''''''''''

ARGHHH!!!!!!!    I HATE HOSPITALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont worry, i'm not sick although I'm sick, it's not because of me that I have to go to the hospital. You get what I mean? LOL. Anyway, it's so bored. Lucky I spotted one computer here with internet which they called it internet kiosk. I dont see what kind of internet kiosk they have... Sweat! Hahaha....

But it's so bored. I just have to wait all the time and I dont know I have to wait for how long and this really SUX!!!!! Damn Gleneagles for that! ~!@#$%^&*! Walau eh, this hospital seriously looks like some 5 stars hotel lor! Even when register to be admitted also need to wait for a few hours before they can find a bed! They have all kinds of suites which range from a few thousands! *Sweat* Hospital only need this kind of stuff meh? Siao! Just now I saw some fella carrying LV LUGGAGES and BAGS into those president suites leh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Walau.. Dont play play eh...

Whatever. Guess I can do my after-so-damn-long-absence from blogging!

Yesterday while waiting (again!) for the admittance saw this bunch of foreign students having a tour around the hospital. Wah~ the mat salleh so leng chai! *Love*  Aih.... So cute leh! Hahahaha... If only my buddies with me, I'm sure all our saliva will drop! Hahahaha....